The closest thing to a pause button during life is taking a shower.
I was gonna open this one [entry] up by saying how much I enjoy going into the bathroom not knowing if it's gonna strike me to take a shower or not. It's the impulsiveness in such a context that still gets me. So this particular time I decided to jump on in. And in there, I thought about some things A had brought up. This is huge reason why I like hanging out with A, I'm always left with these hypothesis and situationals to think about: nature/nurture, tall or short, old and young - its good food, and I'm into eating. I was once told "etc." was sort of rude to put at the end of a list, or at least that's how I took it, how "etc." sorta means you don't care or don't remember the rest. I sorta believe that, but I also don't care enough to either. That right there, is my excuse for a lot of things. I was just gonna state a declaration but I think unless you're ceceding from the Mother Country, declarations don't do half of what they say. Words or actions? These are the things I think about a lot. I'm gonna declare something now: I hope this bit of writing will be a good place to practice balance.
Tom Westfall sent me a text message today that said , I'm at work , call you later. THAT is something new. Ha! Awesome, way to go Tom!
You think writers are the ones with the ultimate power?
When it comes to who we really are, through jobs homes cities, are the writers the ones with the wielding power who make the stories from all the nonsense?
I have found that in my naiveness I make believe I know but I don't.
I like not knowing and I like putting myself out there. I 've been influenced by others actions and nonactions, I want to do the same for others. I think I've been clouded for a couple years and it may take a little longer but I think I'm gonna come outta the tunnel a little wiser and confident. It just takes me a longer time than most. I may be quick but I'm also slow. I remember now why I make in the first place. to create to connect to create.
I dont mind my mind for everyone to see. And at the same time I want to save some for the select few. I think this is a good place to practice, I declare.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
With my window ajar, the breeze from the outside keeps blowing in and leaves me slightly chilly. But it's a good kind of cold, the kind every once in awhile I miss from back East. But then I realize I think I'm more in love with the memory of the Cold Breeze than the actual frostbitten feeling you get against your cheeks as you seek shelter somewhere - anywhere - when you're months deep in winter or even late fall. Although, it is sorta nice. I know Im taking this metaphor too far but these days I'd rather shed it and just be. I think it's impossible for me to write an entry that is entirely objectional, as much as I'd like to. Spell check says "objectional" isn't a word; is it?
For now I'm just gonna use words, I've gotten a good reaction to the pictures and words entries but for now, I'm gonna use just words.
I have this tendency to avoid things, to get right up the edge of the cliff then make a hard right, or wrong really. This sort of thing seems to happen a lot. (See Above.)
Right now, Hank Williams is playing on my tv. There's this option on the computer where you can burn a cd as a "data cd" and it'll play in your dvd player, which I am taking full advantage of. I burned all these songs from the past year or so. I am realizing most of these songs as one unit reflect an entire era. Mp3's, 2006. but really with wings of 2005 and 2007 on either side. It's similar to reading the old journal entires I wrote on my trip to Peru, sometimes you gotta walk back down memory lane to see who you are Now more clearly.
I've also been reading a bunch,
*Junkie - which led me to
*The Letters of William S Burroughs 1945 - 1959 and
*With William Burroughs A report from the Bunker
*Wuthering Heights (book on tape- unabridged) which led me to
*a plethera of sex books but also was influenced by M gettin a job at Good Vibrations which is this sextoy shop.
The Letters of William Burroughs came at just the right time too because I've been slowly writing a few letters to friends, very slowly, but just the act is enough to make me interested and inspired again. I feel like my tastes and processes are reciprocal. And in turn, both of these interests have influenced my music and songs. New lyrics now pop up in my brain which are much closer to what I'm thinking these days than the sugar coated easy words of safe love songs.
In 'With William Burroughs', we are let in on different tape recorded conversations with Burroughs and other guest interviewees, perfect reading for me who's attention span is that of a disinterested student. Susan Sontag even pops up in one of the discussions and her point is really provoking. She talks about how love is one of the least motivating influences in art and creating. How writing (or creating) out of anger rage and dread is faster and in some ways more pure. I was really excited how someone else thought these kind of things too (I had taken the idea to the physical realm, but still), and/or that they were thought out loud. My favorite quote concept from the discussion: Love takes third place.
It's true.
In the same book, we also are given admission into a discussion in which Burroughs says, "All past is fiction." It's a simple concept but important in my eyes. "We think of the past as being something that has just happened, right? Therefore, it is fact; but nothing could be further from the truth." Facts are just editorial decisions subject to our moods and minutes. This coincides with another concept I remember from high school history classes, "History is written by the victors." Those who win, write the past. I was even reminded of a quote in the movie JFK, "[What is] past is prologue."
Reading old episodes from when I was 24 gives me a window to who I was, and who I've become. Id like a few other people to read these episodes and it may be the influence, but as I read them I felt as if I was reading a precursor to a known destination - end result. Which made it even sadder, sort of like the Star Wars pre-quals. Everyone knows he's Darth V, and we're just sitting there watching it happen. Its actually presented as entertainment! But we all know; it's gonna get really bad. But we read on because we wanna see, we're curious how it came to be - hopefully in an effort to divert our's from the same path, but also and maybe more truly for a deeper darker reason. So too is the case in Wuthering Heights. At the beginning of the book, we see the outcome of of the entire story. The Ending is right there, it's there as soon as Lockwood enters Wuthering Heights and sees Cathy, Heathcliff, Hareton, and Joseph in their dark estate of affairs. Heathcliff has won, but won What really?, and they're all pawns in his game that is now over.
But as in Star Wars, it is not over. It doesn't end with Heathcliff triumphant because Cathy and Hareton, as does Luke, choose a different path. All is not regulated to cyclical destinies. There is the option for movement, we have been allowed this. We have been born with brains to grow. I try to water and feed my brain as much as I can so it does not become a static thing, so it does not become a solid entity without room to grow.
More later;
For now I'm just gonna use words, I've gotten a good reaction to the pictures and words entries but for now, I'm gonna use just words.
I have this tendency to avoid things, to get right up the edge of the cliff then make a hard right, or wrong really. This sort of thing seems to happen a lot. (See Above.)
Right now, Hank Williams is playing on my tv. There's this option on the computer where you can burn a cd as a "data cd" and it'll play in your dvd player, which I am taking full advantage of. I burned all these songs from the past year or so. I am realizing most of these songs as one unit reflect an entire era. Mp3's, 2006. but really with wings of 2005 and 2007 on either side. It's similar to reading the old journal entires I wrote on my trip to Peru, sometimes you gotta walk back down memory lane to see who you are Now more clearly.
I've also been reading a bunch,
*Junkie - which led me to
*The Letters of William S Burroughs 1945 - 1959 and
*With William Burroughs A report from the Bunker
*Wuthering Heights (book on tape- unabridged) which led me to
*a plethera of sex books but also was influenced by M gettin a job at Good Vibrations which is this sextoy shop.
The Letters of William Burroughs came at just the right time too because I've been slowly writing a few letters to friends, very slowly, but just the act is enough to make me interested and inspired again. I feel like my tastes and processes are reciprocal. And in turn, both of these interests have influenced my music and songs. New lyrics now pop up in my brain which are much closer to what I'm thinking these days than the sugar coated easy words of safe love songs.
In 'With William Burroughs', we are let in on different tape recorded conversations with Burroughs and other guest interviewees, perfect reading for me who's attention span is that of a disinterested student. Susan Sontag even pops up in one of the discussions and her point is really provoking. She talks about how love is one of the least motivating influences in art and creating. How writing (or creating) out of anger rage and dread is faster and in some ways more pure. I was really excited how someone else thought these kind of things too (I had taken the idea to the physical realm, but still), and/or that they were thought out loud. My favorite quote concept from the discussion: Love takes third place.
It's true.
In the same book, we also are given admission into a discussion in which Burroughs says, "All past is fiction." It's a simple concept but important in my eyes. "We think of the past as being something that has just happened, right? Therefore, it is fact; but nothing could be further from the truth." Facts are just editorial decisions subject to our moods and minutes. This coincides with another concept I remember from high school history classes, "History is written by the victors." Those who win, write the past. I was even reminded of a quote in the movie JFK, "[What is] past is prologue."
Reading old episodes from when I was 24 gives me a window to who I was, and who I've become. Id like a few other people to read these episodes and it may be the influence, but as I read them I felt as if I was reading a precursor to a known destination - end result. Which made it even sadder, sort of like the Star Wars pre-quals. Everyone knows he's Darth V, and we're just sitting there watching it happen. Its actually presented as entertainment! But we all know; it's gonna get really bad. But we read on because we wanna see, we're curious how it came to be - hopefully in an effort to divert our's from the same path, but also and maybe more truly for a deeper darker reason. So too is the case in Wuthering Heights. At the beginning of the book, we see the outcome of of the entire story. The Ending is right there, it's there as soon as Lockwood enters Wuthering Heights and sees Cathy, Heathcliff, Hareton, and Joseph in their dark estate of affairs. Heathcliff has won, but won What really?, and they're all pawns in his game that is now over.
But as in Star Wars, it is not over. It doesn't end with Heathcliff triumphant because Cathy and Hareton, as does Luke, choose a different path. All is not regulated to cyclical destinies. There is the option for movement, we have been allowed this. We have been born with brains to grow. I try to water and feed my brain as much as I can so it does not become a static thing, so it does not become a solid entity without room to grow.
More later;
I'm back! It's On! The internet, i mean.
Just in time too, cause
1) I got no job
2) I'm gettin inspired to write again, not in here but on a typewriter, but here's good practice.
3) I've been reading a bunch of books and old journal entries -
4) Writing will help the songs.
5) I'm ready.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Two new songs finished, well one of them brand new and one of them older and finally recorded. the first I think I'll call 'Guilty', and the second one is my old friend Edward Appleby. I'm thinkin of changing that title though. I'm listening o the Halo Benders right now and the shit ruules.
I wish I could use words better.
I'm feelin old again, I miss the old folks I knew and the way we were bored so we came up with somethin new.
I wish I could use words better.
I'm feelin old again, I miss the old folks I knew and the way we were bored so we came up with somethin new.
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