and

as it happened, i did stumble upon a job, and now with about three or so years of avoiding a permanent workplace, i have again found myself with the option of growing up. its a scary predicament to find yourself in but still gottago with it. bottom line is its midnight and im feeling a bit more secure in my choice lying here in the dark. the cd i started playing hours ago is still spinning around now playing the R's. rainer maria. "goddamnit!" i think sickness perhaps took my energy away cause im feeling a bit better i can feel already. even at this late hour. im excited to go back to bed. i was having another good dream. i forget what it was but i was wandering around. i like the idea of this job. i like how im gonna be paid to basically be me. i would probably learn a lot yelling at kids but it also sounds sorta stressful. im looking to minimalize that sort of thing. i more or less said goodbye to the raving record store owner too. some more good choices. unneeded negativity. my internet weaves in and out. they have this free internet thing here (in sf) that i sent away for. i want to give my self a massage im feeling so congested. i hope the results turn out ok. im hearing digital pops and clicks from this cd. i cant believe in three years ill be three zero. that is a crazy concept, three decades of life not so old but thats enough time to say know what Kind of cold it is. i was thinking about linear thinking again as it applies to the listening experiences of older and younger kids. ipods and the like are a nonlinear listening experience, and i wonder how that affects someones position on a band. i am going to wonder what it will be like to read this tomorrow. i wonder where my honesty's gonna leave me. red. black. hope.

i dont know what im gonna write

Today has been alright, pretty mellow and I just got to the mission library to reedit this cover lettr ive been meaning to give since the beginning of the week. I feel like its sort of long but at the same time it has everything id want it to say in it. In fact, in my humble opinion it sort of needs to say more. i read it over and over again and reword things but have yet to find a paragraph or section not important. i feel like maybe i should talk about the specific job more but perhaps i can do that if an interview is given. maybe this can serve as a good introduction to why i Should be hired. what are cover letters really for anyway? no seriously i dont know. i think i passed by john dwyer on the way here and i cursed myself for not stopping but my mind was on printing this thing although i do wanna know when the ohsees are gonna be playing next. doing it the second time is almost more fun the than first cause you know exactly what you need to do. i cant wait to do it a second time, im gonna fuck it real good. i can already see the curtains slowly opening the seas are slowly parting and im right where i wanna be. whats that position in baseketball where you have ike three different moves you can do, neutral maybe? you can pass shoot or run or something. i always try to stay in that position even when i fuck shit up i just go with it and end up back in that position. and always im ready for the next move. here i am, pep ralley of one. its a nice day out, i was whistling pavement on the way here. just a job i am so close.

so close

Im on the brink of something I can smell it. Although I've been outta the job for awhile, unlike last drought I'm actually taking some action, and making things happen. Slowly. Slooooowly. I gave out myrsume to some local businesses, one job is checking my references, another just emailed me saying there might be an interview in the works. I've been reminded never never never to say anything cause usually it just ruins it. Like jinxes whatever might happen. Right now Im in the SF library, getting ready to print out a cover letter that looks a little long but hopefully not too longwinded. I wonder how attractive I am to jobs. I wish I had some money saved up at least during this period. Bah, Im just happy Im finally going after something permanent. I get daily news from M about whats going on in her perm job, sounds nice to bury yourself in something you care about. Ah those were the days. I wish people were like jobs, my resume's good I tell ya! I could write a cover letter that would knock your socks off. I got $5 to do laundry with. I like having fun for free. So fuckin fun Ive never laughed so hard. I dont think thats so bad. Seriously. Been playing a lot of music but got a note on the door where we've been playing from my neighbor down the hall about how everything in the rooms the landlords. What does he know. Mind your business old man, your time is up. Ive got a new song I've been working on for the past week or so, today it turned itself into a song about a cat i once knew. Very fitting. Maybe, I'm sorry to leave you baby. I like the lyrics I wrote after thinking of them in the shower. That shower I tell ya, treasure trove of bullshit.
I feel like Im using what time I have on this computer with sound as much a I can. I havent heard my songs in awhile so they go on first. I really want to record the new song but Id say maybe another week or so to make it just right. I like how each new song is another challenge and theres always one part about it thats an improvement rather something learned new. Im into learning new things everytime. I get bored by shit so easily it never happens. I feel like Ive been reading less and so after I go back home and finish the application for this other job I will read some. Friday night was niiice for awhile just sitting at home record on reading: peace. just gimmee some peace haha. Theres this guy who just walked by who reminds me of this guy who roamed around downtown boston I think he named himself the Captain or maybe he was some kind of Father like religious. Lieber and I talked to him some and recorded the conversation where he told these horrrible jokes. Then we took the tape and made a dance song out of it using Cool Edit. I wish I had my old computer back, the Woody Allen Love and Death sampled song is on there too. Damn thats some old shit. I listened to our cover of 'Baby, Dont Forget My Number' the other night , fuckin funny. I like how it ws played on a guitar with only three strings. Fuck complicated music. Sounded good to me. The other night after I got home I listened to a tape of pdx when tom came to visit and we were all in the car. There was tape of a carnival. I miss cool people. This coming weekend looks like it will be real fun. Im hoping for some money or maybeeven a job to celebrate it with! Once I get a job, and hopefully one with a decent schedule I think Im gonna split. HELLLL YA! And all me. DIY bitches. I truly believe anything is possible. I just think it takes a lot of time balance, theres gotta be balance. and you gotta keep your eyes on what you WANT. I feel like everytime Ive tried a little I get a little back. Life can be predictable like that. At first I was like what fun is that? But then I realized you can fuck life real hard if you just know how to work with the forces. Im glad im going after jobs I care about and not just bullshit jobs cause I feel like for me that would be a waste of time.
This citys opening up too. Ive been getting into a lot more activites and plans to do, and itll get even better with money. bars are starting too look sorta interesting. biking around is always fun drunk and playing music is one of my new favorite things again. "i got nothing cept these gold teeth and my cigarettes." SNAKES. PREDATORS. $$