and

as it happened, i did stumble upon a job, and now with about three or so years of avoiding a permanent workplace, i have again found myself with the option of growing up. its a scary predicament to find yourself in but still gottago with it. bottom line is its midnight and im feeling a bit more secure in my choice lying here in the dark. the cd i started playing hours ago is still spinning around now playing the R's. rainer maria. "goddamnit!" i think sickness perhaps took my energy away cause im feeling a bit better i can feel already. even at this late hour. im excited to go back to bed. i was having another good dream. i forget what it was but i was wandering around. i like the idea of this job. i like how im gonna be paid to basically be me. i would probably learn a lot yelling at kids but it also sounds sorta stressful. im looking to minimalize that sort of thing. i more or less said goodbye to the raving record store owner too. some more good choices. unneeded negativity. my internet weaves in and out. they have this free internet thing here (in sf) that i sent away for. i want to give my self a massage im feeling so congested. i hope the results turn out ok. im hearing digital pops and clicks from this cd. i cant believe in three years ill be three zero. that is a crazy concept, three decades of life not so old but thats enough time to say know what Kind of cold it is. i was thinking about linear thinking again as it applies to the listening experiences of older and younger kids. ipods and the like are a nonlinear listening experience, and i wonder how that affects someones position on a band. i am going to wonder what it will be like to read this tomorrow. i wonder where my honesty's gonna leave me. red. black. hope.