until i smoked pot i was feelin pretty lousy

I fucked up and got real drunk the other night. shit sucks. doesnt add to the already cloudy storm of events. no job little money not much socialization. i went to oakland though yesterday with steve to pick up some pot and hung out with some real cool people. it was nice to be social again and on point, this girl talked about wanting to own a cow and how cows have four stomachs. it was hilarrious. i wanted to hear more. it was nice to know there are cool people out there, at least in oakland. oakland really stuck on me, it reminded me a little bit of portland, in its quietness. i liked it a lot. the apartment was cool, guy living with his girlfriend, and i was reminded of how cool it can be. he had an anthony braxton record and i got to talk a little music. i think i miss living rooms, in zac's apartment there always livingroom time, but then wed go into his room and everyone would disperse. leah wrote me and shes gonna be in town mid may! thats so cool leah fuckin rules. ive been watching this movie today



bananas by woody allen

i think its my favorite along with Love and Death. i gotta get used to writing again. i miss it. itll help me keep things in perspective.
talked with alex and tom today and woke up with a call from het in boston. alex is living with his family outside of boston saving up for los angeles. tom's son everette was loud today over the phone and reminded me he is a father. its awesome. i stayed at home most of today sort of lonely wandering back and forth to the bathroom to see if i had to go pee. played a bunch of music and practiced some of the new songs. we were working on this reggae song yesterday which i wanna record for anne to hear. im psyched to get some drums and actually play with other people. i practiced today a sort of set , i started with this short intro then went into Dracula then played Let Me Be. i got about 5 newer songs im practicing now. i found one on my practice tape i forgot even playing but i like it. it goes like, Well you thiink i feel nothing, but, i feel you / and you think i know nothing , but i knoww you. haha i also worked on Edward Appleby again after leaving it be for awhile. i want to practice all the time. i want my organ back. i wanna have my finger more on the pulse of my libido. i wanna rip off some girls shirt and push her up against a wall and make out again. hard. nothing else but the excitement of taking. this pot tastes nice. anyone got a job i can borrow?